I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
