my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
