Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
