whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
