We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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