i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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