yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
