I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
