I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
