Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
