Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
