It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
