there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
