My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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