dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
