We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
