someone get that fucking seahorse.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found the puke drawer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
