I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize