so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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