dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
