That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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