I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
