tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
