i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
