who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
