I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
