I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
