You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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