Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
