Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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