I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
