the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
whose parrot is this?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
