I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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