You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize