Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
