ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
