I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
