All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
