Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
