I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
