I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
