i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
