I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
