sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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