I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
