I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
