So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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