we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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