Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
