hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
