Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
