I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
