she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
