In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
