How'd it feel making her break her religion?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
