We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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