CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
