I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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