She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
