Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
