a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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