I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize