I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my shit smells like andre
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
