Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
