i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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