last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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