Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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