Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
