At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
